This or that? – The struggle with making decisions

5 Easy strategies that can help you make up your mind.

Do you find it hard to be decisive? Whether decisions are small or big, making up your mind can be challenging. The good news: You are definitely not alone with your struggle. Most people face situations in their lives during which they struggle to decide what to do or what option to go with.
In this blog post I will offer you a few of the reasons and offer some ideas on how to overcome the hurdle.

1. Get in the right headspace

Decision making is by definition a cognitive, and preferably a rational process. We, as humans, are however never one hundred percent rational. Our emotions, previous life experiences and current circumstances influence the extent to which we are capable of rational decisions. Just as our environments change, our ability to be more or less rational changes too.
One way we can help ourselves in making better decisions is through emotional regulation.

The best way to start regulating your emotions, is to identify them (Slaski & Cartwright, 2003). Once you have identified what you’re feeling, it is easier to choose helpful strategies to process them (see my blog post for more information).

2. What is the least bad option?

Another idea is to look to order your options from worst to least bad. Considering that we barely encounter a perfect option (if you did, you would probably just go with that option), this approach might get you closer to an actual decision. I prefer this way of approaching the choices to organizing them best to worst, because finding the best option is the reason we struggle with making a decision. Often it is easier to pick the option that we like the least and move up towards the least bad, than to start with the best option, which is the one we are trying to find.

3.  Master the the pro-con list

I know, I know. You could have probably come up with that idea yourself. But how often do you actually take the time to write down a pro-con list?
In case you struggle with where to start:

Step A) 
Write down the goal.
For example: “I want to decide whether I should quit my job, or not.” 

Step B)
Write down all of the options in no particular order.
For example: “1) I quit my job now, 2) I don’t quit my job, 3)I will find a new job before I quit. 4) I talk with my employer about changing the team or adjusting my task focus” etc.Take your time with this part of the process and write out as many options as you can. Sometimes it helps to even write down alternatives that you are pretty sure won’t work for you.

Step C) Go through the list and stripe through options that are a clear “no”.
If you are unsure whether you should stripe through any of the options, for now, keep them.

Step D) Create a table. Each of the options leftover after step C) should have one column.
Example:

I quit my job now	I don’t quit my job	I will find a new job before I quit.	I talk with my employer about changing the team or adjusting my task focus
Immediate relief from current job Now I’m unemployed without a job	Regular income No relief from job	……

Try to be thorough. Give yourself enough time to think of the pros and cons of each option. Also add points that are specific to your personal experience.

Consider some thought experiments.
For example: “How would I feel living with each option?” It can help to visualise a day in the life after you have decided to go with either option.
Another question could be “How does each option relate to my personal values?” Would you be content living with the different options, or would you perhaps feel that you are not living in accordance with your personal values.

Sometimes it can help to talk with a friend or another trusted person about further ideas. Some decisions take time, don’t rush them. You can start the steps one day and finish the list another. To avoid procrastination, I recommend that you give yourself a specified amount of time until you come to a conclusion. 

4.  Ask yourself this question.

You might be struggling to make up your mind, because you worry that the wrong decision will lead to problems in the future. Sometimes these worries can hold us back enough that making a decision becomes impossible. The experience in which we feel like we are incapable of making a choice, because of too much or conflicting information is sometimes referred to as analysis paralysis.

In case you are experiencing analysis paralysis, it is recommended that you try and simplify the decision, for example by going with a previous option (e.g. in the grocery aisle when you struggle to decide what to buy for dinner), give yourself a time limit or picking the option based on a seemingly irrelevant factor (e.g. picking a tomato sauce based on how attractive the font is on the jar). I recommend that you use this technique for less important decisions, to help yourself gain confidence in your ability to make decisions more quickly.

As different as we are between each other, we often struggle with the same worries that make decision making difficult. Here are two guiding questions that can help you in making a choice.

“Which option would I choose, if other people’s thoughts did not matter?”

“Which option would I choose if I had nothing to fear?”

5. Identify cognitive biases

Similar to our emotional states, general ideas we have about how the world works can influence our ability to make decisions. So called “cognitive biases” can represent some of those ideas. There are some biases that occur more often in the context of decision making. 

For example:
One cognitive bias that many experience when they struggle to make up their mind about bigger decisions is the Status quo bias (Samuelson & Zeckhauser, 1988). It can be generally described as fearing the unknown changes that might happen after a decision is made. 

Sunk cost fallacy is another example. It can also be described as “throwing good money after bad”. This fallacy can inhibit you from leaving a job or giving up on a project based on the feeling that you do not want to abandon the amount of energy and work you have already put into it.

One way to stop cognitive biases and fallacies from influencing your decisions, is by learning to identify them. 

Don’t feel bad about struggling to make up your mind. Difficult decisions are just that: difficult. You obviously want to get to a point where you can be quite certain that you picked the wrong choice sooner, rather than later. I hope that this blog gives you some ideas for what you can do next time you need to make a decision. During my sessions with clients I have worked with topics such as these and can help you get closer to a decision. Just get in touch if you feel like you want some extra support on your journey.

References:

Mankiw, N. Gregory (2018). Principles of Economics (8th ed.). Boston, MA: Cengage
Learning. pp. 274–276. ISBN 978-1-305-58512-6.

Samuelson, W., & Zeckhauser, R. (1988). Status quo bias in decision making. Journal of risk
and uncertainty, 1, 7-59.

Slaski, M., & Cartwright, S. (2003). Emotional intelligence training and its implications forstress, health and performance. Stress and health, 19(4), 233-239.

Photo by Einar Storsul on Unsplash